After getting grief from a certain friend for taking too long to tell the story of Hanukkah at my annual parties, at my Sixth Annual Hanukkah Party (Dec. 12, 2009), I told the story with some classic short forms:

Haiku	Festival of lights. The oil lasted for eight days, So we eat fried foods.
Limerick	There once was a king who refused To let us worship as we choosed, So we won a great fight, and the oil lasted eight nights, and now we eat because, well, we're Jews.
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For my Tenth Annual Hanukkah Party (Dec. 3, 2013), I created a series of Hanukkah infographics:

In 167 BCE, King Antiochus IV Epiphanes refused to let Jews worship freely. They studied Torah secretly, and legend holds that when soliders conducted spot-checks of their homes, they would stash their Torahs and whip out toy tops as decoys. The letters on the sides of dreidels today stand for the Hebrew phrase, "A Great Miracle Happened There."

(Fig. 1: Frequency distribution of how a dreidel lands)

(Fig. 2: Jews' interest in dreidel as a function of time over 10 minutes)

A band of Jewish rebels called the Maccabees revolted against the King. The King's armies were massive, and included fearsome weapons like elephants.

(Fig. 3: Relative offensive strength of King army vs. Maccabees, for swords, chariots, elephants, and rocks)

The tenacious Maccabees won the battle, but not until the Holy Temple was ransacked. There was only enough oil in the eternal light to last one day, but miraculously it lasted eight days until fresh supplies were acquired.

(Fig. 4: Expected oil consumption vs. actual oil consumption)

To celebrate this miracle, we observe the holiday of Hanukkah, and we eat fried foods. Favorites include latkes (potato pancakes) and sufganiyot (jelly donuts).

(Fig. 5: Scatter plot of final resting place of oil droplets on the stovetop after making latkes)

(Fig. 6: Pie chart showing percentages of a latke already eaten vs. not already eaten)

The presence or absence of food is a major component of all Jewish holidays.

(Fig. 7: Relative fat content of traditional foods for each Jewish holiday)

Because Hanukkah falls during the same season as Christmas, it has become traditional for Jews to give and receive gifts, as well.

(Fig. 8: Number of nights of Hanukkah)

(Fig. 9: Child's perception of wait time to open presents)

We also celebrate the miracle of the oil with a special Hanukkah menorah, with one candle for each of the eight nights of the holiday, and a helper candle ("shamash") to light them.

(Fig. 10: Relative heights of the candles of the Hannukah menorah)

For my Thirteenth Annual Hanukkah Party (Dec. 28, 2016), I performed "Judah Macabee" to the tune of "Alexander Hamilton" from Hamilton. (Click the video title to go to the YouTube page with the lyrics.)

For my Fifteenth Annual Hanukkah Party (Dec. 9, 2018), I created Hanukkah Memes:

For my Sixteenth Annual Hanukkah Party (Dec. 29, 2019), I adapted "Casey at the Bat" in honor of the Washington Nationals first World Series win. (Click the video title to go to the YouTube page with the verses.)

For my Seventeenth Annual Hanukkah Party (Jan. 14, 2024), I adapted Dr. Seuss' 1961 classic "The Sneetches" as a nursery rhyme told to my daughter.

The Maccabeetches
By Craig Fifer, January 14, 2024
Inspired by “The Sneetches,” by Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss), 1961

Listen close, my sweet daughter, I’ll tell you the story
Of our ancestors’ struggles, and the ode to their glory.
You’ll love all the stuff in this tale, I know,
It’s got heroes, and miracles, and crispy potato.

In ancient Judea, near the Temple Mount
Conquerors kept conquering more than counters could count.
The Greek Seleucids were the latest of these,
The year was BCE, in the middle 160s.

Now the Greeks worshiped gods like Zeus and Poseidon
While the Jews, of course, prayed to no god beside one.
And that went on just fine, while the old king reigned.
He was named Antiochus, the third with that name.

Then the fourth came along, and was kind of a jerk
And he said, “Having more than one faith just won’t work!”
He proclaimed through the land, in the low parts and highs,
“I decree that the Jews must become Hellenized!”

And all of a sudden, the things Jews used to do
Were, legally speaking, completely taboo.

They could not celebrate every week on Shabbat
They could not circumcise every male Jewish tot.
They could not eat kosher bagels with cream cheese and lox,
Not with a fox, in a box, or at any times on their clocks.

When the Jews studied Torah and the king’s soldiers came
They had to pretend they were just playing games.
They answered their doors and invited inspection
While cleverly spinning some keen misdirection.

At the dreidels they twirled, today we still stare
And print on the sides “A Great Miracle Happened There.”

Because finally one day, with the Jews long oppressed,
They decided enough was enough of this mess.

A dad and his sons (of which there were five)
Put freedom and liberty ahead of their lives.
They moved into caves in the hills out of town
And plotted a way to get back at the crown.

When old Mattathias’ strength finally petered,
His son Judah picked up the torch as their leader.
With the strength of a hammer he was called “Maccabee”
Shouting “Whoever is for the Lord, follow me!”

"My friends," he declared in a confident voice,
“The people G-d chose must now make a choice.”

“Do we fight for the way of life that we lead,
Or do we lose faith and fade out with great speed?
We can stand strong together, or fall apart, guaranteed.”

Meanwhile, the army the king had compiled
Climbed the great Temple Mount and soon it was defiled.
They busted inside, and they burgled and looted,
They sacrificed pigs and were rather jackbooted.

The Maccabees were outraged, and knew they must hurry,
So they ramped up their plans and their strategery.

But they kept coming up against one scary truth…
The Greeks had elephants, with huge trunks and sharp tooths!
No one wanted to say it, for it spelled certain doom,
You could call it the unspoken thing in the room.

Then one Maccabee winked an excited wink,
And he said, “Holy Moses, I’ve had a great think!”
“We may only have handmade swords and some rocks,
But all we need to do is creep up in our socks.
We’ll sneak under the beasts, and we'll thrust up our knives,
And then we'll tuck and roll to escape with our lives.”

So that’s what they did, and believe it or not,
They beat each pachyderm and each chariot.

Then once the dust settled and the Jews could take stock,
They rushed to their Temple and received quite a shock.
The place was in shambles, to the left and the right,
And the Greeks had blown out the eternal flame’s light!
The Jews got to work to fix up what was broken,
And they cleaned and they polished as their prayers were spoken.

There was only one thing that still needed doing,
After all of the painting and sanding and gluing.
The menorah must be relit, everyone knew,
But there was oil for just one night, and not two.

Nevertheless, the lamp once again burned,
And despite the low level of fuel in their urn,
The Jews were amazed as they waited each wait
That the flame glowed a crazy number of nights (namely eight)!

This gave enough time for more olives to be pressed,
Then they took the new oil to the priest to be blessed.
With the Temple back open, great joy did abound,
And the Jews cut the ribbon on their re-hallowed ground.

So there came to be, each year at this season,
A day to rejoice at our ancestors’ reason
To give thanks for the miracle that led to elation,
For their Temple “Chanukah,” which means “dedication.”

On this day we light candles to bask in our freedom,
Adding one for each night and one more just to lead ‘em.
We eat foods fried in oil, and while that can get greasy,
Compared to long ago, our tasks almost seem easy:

Stand up for what’s right, and speak truth to power,
Don’t just watch and stay silent like a wilted wallflower.

Be blessed by the miracles, the ancient and newish,
That surround all of us, both goyim and Jewish.
Forget “us versus them” and “ours versus thars,”
Just count each night’s soft lights, and our lucky stars.

And oh, my sweet child, may you dodge strife and bothers,
But, if they come, keep your faith and help others.
(Also, put on a sweater when the weather gets colder.
That's a thing parents say, I'll explain when you're older.)

Keep our traditions, but be your own girl.
As you make your way through our complex world.
And wherever you go and whatever you do,
Know that I love your mommy, and we both love you.

Happy Hanukkah!